And Then There Were Three

The decision to have a child is one of the most important you will ever make in your life. Everything changes. Everything. 

I will never forget the day I found out that we were pregnant. I had been tired for weeks, which is highly unusual for me, and laying on the couch texting my best friend. The conversation, to the best of my recolleciton, went something like this:

Me: "For weeks now I've had zero appetite and no energy. I don't feel sick, I just sleep ALL THE TIME."

BFF: "Maybe you're pregnant :)"

Me: "I thought of that. I'll take a test tomorrow."

BFF: "Why wait? You'll be just as pregnant or not pregnant tomorrow as you are today"

She is a wise woman. 

I ran upstairs to utilize that little magical stick. Never have three minutes felt like such an eternity. I was a mess of emotion the entire time I waited: 

"I could be a mom - I hope I don't suck at it. Ben will make such a wonderful dad! What if I'm not, what if there is something really wrong with me? What if we have a child that cries all the time? What if we have an ugly baby? What if our baby isn't healthy? Does this mean I have to give up coffee? I can't eat sushi anymore. What if I'm an ugly pregnant woman? Will I ever be able to give my husband a child?..." 

Yes, shallow, faithless, fears mixed with excitement and hope. 

I had to leave the room. An occasion as momentous as this calls for coffee, after all, this could be the last time I can have any for a while.

You see, Ben and I are childhood sweethearts. We met in 1994, married in 2007 and I stopped birth control in 2009. While we weren't "trying" we weren't not trying either. Twice now I had been convinced that we would be starting our family. Twice now I had to look at him, eyes full of tears, and shake my head "no". 

Running back upstairs my heart felt as though it would beat itself right through my rib cage. I had left the test upside down so that I could read it when I was ready.

Am I ready? Ben and I have planned and prayed. We have cried and convinced ourselves that the timing just wasn't right before. Would this time be any different? 

I took a deep breath and picked up the test

"PREGNANT"

Several weeks before this I had decided to buy the New Dad, Willow Tree figurine and a card for Ben, in hopes of someday being able to give them to him, along with a positive test. I ran back down the stairs to set up his surprise and, not so patiently, waited for him to get home from work. 

We cried, we hugged, we rejoiced in the faithfulness of our God. A few days later we had our first ultrasound and caught the first glimpse of our precious little one.

And then, there were three