In constant pursuit of coffee and Christ

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Worth The Change

Due to the nature of today, I've only just had time to write. My coffee has been replaced with tea and I'm sipping from a mug you've already heard all about.

The Republic of Tea: Red Tea = Amazing in a mug

So we'll just jump in.

They say one of the most difficult things a person can change is what they believe to be true.

To say I have always had a positive self image would be a lie. To say I currently have a positive self image would also be a lie, but I'm working on it.

I can remember my first crush, way back in kindergarten. My little girl friend and I each had a boy we were crushing on and had decided that we were going to kiss them on the cheek. I remember like it was yesterday. We looked at each other, gave the nod, and off we went. I watched as she leaned in and planted her sweet little kiss on her crush and he blushed and smiled. This gave me confidence, so I went over and kissed the cheek of my crush. My response was much different. He was NOT happy with me, quite frankly, he was mad and it was all my fault.

Thus started my feeling like a boy would never like me because every other girl was better than I was. Yes, in kindergarten, as early as that. This is my first memory of comparing myself to someone else. There must be something wrong with me. She must be better than me. I'm not good enough.

As we all know, crushes come and go, and GASP! there were even a few times when I was on the receiving end of someone else's crush. Thank God my last and final crush just so happens to be on the love of my life, whom, I am most blessed to say, loves me back just as much (if not more it feels at times) as I love him.

OK, OK, yes, I am head over heels crushing on Robert Downy Jr. but celeb crushes don't count in the real world, right?

I have lived most of my life comparing myself to others when the only person I should be comparing myself to is who I was yesterday. She is the one I need to be better than. She is my competition. She is the one I need to beat.

While taking General Psychology my freshman year of college we had to participate in experimental studies. I was chosen to participate in the comparison study. I was the perfect subject. I was given a notebook in which to write every single time I compared myself to someone else and why I had done so. There were categories such as Physical Appearance, Personality, Intelligence, etc. Wow, did that notebook fill up fast! And by fast I mean within days, in every single category.

I found that every few minutes I had to open my notebook and jot down what was wrong with me, because that's how comparison works, it doesn't exist to distinguish how we are different from another, it exists to make us feel inferior to another person.

I do feel that things such as constructive criticism, goal setting, pushing yourself, etc. are perfectly healthy and acceptable things, as long as they are being done out of wanting to better yourself, and not out of trying to be someone else.

Since becoming a mother I have grown more and more aware of how damaging this mindset can be.

When my son and future children hear me talk about myself I don't want them to hear such negativity as "I look fat today... I hate my hair... I'm not smart enough to understand that... How dumb am I?... I wish I was as charming as "so 'n' so"... my voice sounds terrible... my butt is too big... my eyes are too small..."

I want them to experience their momma being the woman God has created her to be - me, myself and I! I want them to see me walking in the confidence of knowing that I am a one of kind, daughter of The King. I want desperately for them to never, ever, struggle as I have with self image and feelings of inferiority. I desperately desire for them to focus on bettering themselves, on being the unique, perfectly and wonderfully made, person God has created them to be. In a world where aging is looked down upon and status holds more value than it's worth, I want them to be confident in themselves and it starts with me being the example.

My opinion of myself is setting the standard for how my children view the world. That is something worth changing your beliefs over.

"I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~ Psalm 139:14

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;..." 
~Jeremiah 1:5

Bear and me earlier this evening 

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

A New Adventure

This morning our quaint little town finally updated to include a Panera, and I love, love, LOVE, it! This morning my youngest sister and I set out to make sure were were part of the first 500 customers in order to receive our free travel mugs with 2 weeks of free refills. We split a pecan roll and cinnamon roll and sat and sipped our free coffees under the soft morning sun.

I grabbed a mug full of their dark roast and my sis grabbed their hazelnut blend. While this was not my first visit to a Panera, this was my first experience with their regular brewed coffee. Neither of us were disappointed. Of course, we tried each others coffee picks, so I can tell you that, while I am not always the biggest hazelnut fan, I did enjoy their blend.

Both Ben and I have five years of university under our belts, an experience I cherish and a degree I am proud to hold. With those five years, however, comes a rather hefty student loan debt. Yep, that ugly, nasty, four letter word: D.E.B.T. and while school loans are the only form of it we have, they are driving us crazy.

Being blessed with the ability to stay home and take care of our son is one of the most amazing things in the world. Not only are we saving a ton on childcare, but I am experiencing all of his 'firsts' first hand, something I wouldn't trade for all the money in the world. In no way am I being negative towards the working mom, she is amazing and I admire her for all she does.

While we are able to stay afloat on one income there have been several sacrifices made, primarily the stress placed on my husband of knowing he is our only source of income. So, today I made a move to help relieve some of that pressure. I became an independent Scentsy consultant. Not only am I thrilled that I will be able to run my business completely from home, with our little man by my side, I actually really enjoy the product.

I am anxious and excited to see where all this new adventure takes me. So! Here I go, jumping in head first! You can help by visiting my website: and by liking my facebook page for updates on my personal goals and product information.

Proverbs 31:24 "She makes linen garments and sells them..."

Ok, so not quite a linen garment, but a business none the less.

Whew! I'm already wondering what I've gotten myself into!

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

13 Reasons Why I'll Never Ask When You Plan to Start Your Family

This morning I grabbed my Dollar General mug. This mug carries no great significance, other than the fact it contains coffee, but was so cute sitting on the discount shelf that I had to snatch it up.

I've been testing out different brands and blends of coffee, in attempts to find one that only requires cream or sugar but not both at the same time. I still have a few pesky baby pounds to lose and with as much coffee as I consume, this should do the trick. Anyways, I'm drinking Seattle's Best No. 5 with just a little sugar and am really enjoying it. Their cinnamon blend will forever be my favorite but this will do.

My Love and I were married for just over six years before our perfect little man was born. In those six years I cannot count the times we were asked, in variable forms, "so, when will you start your family?" a question that brought me near tears on more than one occasion. There was a time when I wasn't sure we would ever be able to have a child. Not everyone publicizes their struggles, this does not mean that they don't exist.

 Here are 13 reasons why you will never hear me ask this question:

* The answer is simply none of my business.

* You have already started your family by getting married. The size of which is to be determined by you, your spouse, and God.

* Maybe you don't have the desire to have children, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

* Maybe you are not able to have children.

* Maybe you and your spouse are having marital issues that you want to resolve before having a child

* Maybe you're saving to adopt

* Maybe you and your spouse have been trying, you're both perfectly fine, and it just hasn't happened yet

* Maybe you have not yet achieved personal goals that you desire to accomplish before becoming a parent

* Maybe you're scared

* Maybe you already have one child and have decided that he/she is enough

* Maybe you've tried every fertility drug out there and nothing has worked yet

* Maybe you've been pregnant and experienced loss

* Maybe non of this matters, because, as stated before, this is none of my business!

If you're a family member or a close enough friend to be 'framily' (hating myself for using that term but it's just so stinking catchy!) and feel you have some sort of right to ask, do everyone a favor and ask your questions privately and face to face.

Maybe the question that we should all ask a lot more often is "how can I pray for you?"