Worthy of The Call

Today I grabbed what I refer to as my 'drama mug'

This mug was originally given to my sister, Jules, by a guy that was crushing on her in high school. How I attained it I'm not quite sure! She knows I have it and I have offered it back several times. Every time I drink from this mug I am reminded of how much I love my sister and how far our relationship has come. We were far from friends during my high school years. What we have now is a beautiful, loving, trusting, friendship that I would value and protect even if we did not share DNA. I love my sisters!

While flipping through the pages in Bears kids Bible I stopped on the story of John the Baptist, a passage I am more than familiar with and have even done studies and taught on several times. I'm not sure if it was the simplicity of wording, the fact I was reading aloud to my son, or my current heart and mindset, but this passage hit me in a new way.

100 Bible Stories 100 Bible Songs
 created by Stephen Elkins 

John did what Jesus asked of him, despite his feelings of inadequacy. In John 1:27 we hear John the Baptist say " He (Jesus) is the one who comes after me, the straps of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie".

What would have happened if John had looked at Jesus and said, 'I'm not worthy Lord, don't make me do this. I don't want to fail you. I'm not good enough. What if I drop you in the water and make a fool of myself? I won't be able to show my face out of shame. Pick someone else'.

John wasn't exactly new at baptizing. Matthew 3:5-6 tells us "People went out to him (John) from Jerusalem and all Judea and the whole region of the Jordan. Confessing their sins, they were baptized by him in the Jordan river". He was comfortable baptizing those he knew were not the Christ. He had developed a comfort zone, one that was demolished, or at very least expanded, when he did what Jesus asked of him.

How has the Holy Spirit been asking you to step up and out of your comfort zone? Will you be willing to place your fear and self doubt aside and trust in His calling? You can do it. Trust me, it's worth it.

Mopping the Kitchen Floor

This morning I chose Ben's blue mug. 

Ben shares in my affinity for coffee and their receptacles, so he is always on the look out for our next mug just as much as I am.

For the last several days I have been brought to the passage of scripture where Jesus is praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, just before his execution. Seriously, for at least four days, I have fallen asleep and been awakened with this passage on my heart. Until yesterday, I really wasn't sure why either.

Correct me if I'm wrong but, I believe we're all guilty of not accomplishing something because we 'don't feel like it'. For me, this is almost always mopping the floors. I could vacuum all day, brooms are OK, but hand me a mop and all of a sudden I've lost all motivation. Why? Not a clue. I just really hate moping the floor. Maybe because having wet socks is such a pet peeve of mine. Whatever the reason, the fact remains, the floor must be mopped.

'Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him. On reaching the place, he said to them, "Pray that you will not fall into temptation." He withdrew about a stone's throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.'  ~ Luke 22: 39-46

Jesus didn't feel like being crucified (who can blame him!), and earnestly sought out the face of God for another way for our sins to be forgiven. BUT! He submitted His will for the plan and purpose that God had set before Him, taking up the cross and dying so that our sins could be forgiven and our souls gain unending, undeniable, access to the throne of the Father. WOW!

Another passage that means so much more to me now is the passage that speaks of how we are to operate as a Christian household, specifically, Colossians 3:23 'Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not people', and in Ephesians 6:7 'Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people' and again in Colossians 3:17 ' And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.' 

Whatever we do, whether we feel like doing it or not, no matter how trivial and mundane the task, we are instructed to proceed as if Christ himself had asked us to accomplish it. Yes, even mopping the kitchen floor!

On that note, I have bathrooms that need a good cleaning so I'm going to dust my mop off and get busy! 

A Seabee Wife's Beginning

Today I chose my U.S. Navy Seabee mug.

Drill weekend is never convenient. I was not feeling myself yesterday and knowing that Ben had to leave for the weekend wasn't helping. When he decided to leave early this morning, in place of last night, I was elated. Yes, even with the 4:00am wake up. I would love to sit here and tell you that I am fully prepared and confident for when "the call" comes and we're pushed into deployment mode, but in all reality, I don't think there is ever a way to be fully prepared. 

For those reading who may not understand the contract, a reservist is active reserve for 6 years, during which they must take at least one deployment, and inactive reserve for 2 years of an 8 year contract.

Ben and I celebrated 7 years of marriage on July 13th, we have been a couple for almost 13 years, and have known each other for over 20 years. The idea of an entire year without him home, especially now that we are parents, is a difficult thing to wrap my head and emotions around. The 7 months he was gone for basic training and A-School were hard, and that was back when it was just me and the furry babies. 

Back in high school we started discussing our post graduation options. When Ben said he would like to be a Navy Seal someday I knew right away how great he would be (he still would). I also knew that I did not want that type of relationship. I expressed that he would have my full support, I would write, I would pray, I would always be a listening ear, but I would not be in a relationship with a Seal. I wanted a home, a family, a husband who was around and that I was allowed to know where he was when he wasn't home. Their lifestyle simply does not align with having a successful family life (for most, not all), and there is nothing wrong with that, as long as you're aware of what you're getting yourself into. He decided not to join, and I always felt like I had done both him and our military a great disservice.

I went through a time where I was jealous of his desire to join the military.

Why isn't our life enough? Why can't he be happy and fulfilled without joining? Aren't I good enough, exciting enough? Why does he want to be away from me? Don't I make him happy?...

I was struggling with my own insecurities and feelings of being insufficient, and could not see that his love and relationship with me had nothing to do with his desire to join.

Being in our military is part of what God has called Ben to do. Once I got over myself enough to realize that, that his desire to join had nothing to do with me or his happiness with me, that God Himself had placed those desires in his heart. I was humbled. I was corrected. I was mortified at the thought that I was holding him back from achieving his full potential as a man of God. 

I cannot stress enough the importance of supporting, edifying, praying for, and pushing (by positive reinforcement) your spouse. Don't take it personally when they have desires you don't understand, instead pray about how you should respond. The idea for Ben to join the Navy after college was not his, it was mine. He had given up, "I'm too old", "they probably wouldn't take me", he said. "You're never allowed to be old" I would say (Ben is a little younger than me, so if he's old, I'm old and that is just not ok with me), "they will love you. You're exactly what they're looking for".

We started doing our homework, researching the different rates (jobs) within the Navy and where he felt he would best fit in. We contacted a local recruiter and the process began. Let me encourage you, if you or someone you know is considering joining. DO. YOUR. HOMEWORK. Talk to others who are already serving, don't just take the rate they offer you. Know your options, know your rights.

Ben needed to join to be complete, a fact I wasn't ignorant of and am, finally, not intimidated by. I'm by no means taking credit for his success. He has gone above and beyond, as he always does, and there are no words to express my pride, love, and admiration for the man he is continuously becoming.

*This does not mean that I am always thrilled with how our government functions or appreciate the continual change of schedule. 

How can you encourage your spouse? Whatever their life's desire is (as long as it's healthy for them, their relationship with God, and with you/family), SUPPORT! Pray for them, encourage them, pray together. Don't let your fears, insecurities, vulnerability get in between your spouse and what God has called them to do. Let me encourage you in this, their calling will complement your own. I have always been very patriotic and even considered joining the military myself several times ( I even had a pretty incredible offer! ), I am incredibly sensitive towards our troops and will befriend and defend them all if I can. Now I realize that this patriotism is not just part of my character, it is part of my calling. I support our great nation, I support our troops, past and present, and I support my husband.

"Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing."

~ 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Love is a Battlefield

Today I'm drinking from my teal Christmas mug.

My family knows how to bless me. This past Christmas my youngest sister gave me this lovely mug, filled with chocolate (second best thing to being filled with coffee and much easier to wrap).

Growing up my sister Julia and I fought all the time (she is almost 4.5 years younger). Our poor mother. Stacey (11 years younger) and I, though we've had our arguments, never had a full blown fight. Now the three of us share a love and relationship that can withstand any disagreement and opposition.

One of the things, I feel, a lot of couples get wrong is the idea that love and happiness go together 100% of the time. Don't get me wrong, happiness is a great part of being in love but, let's face it, being truly in love may make you miserable from time to time too.

"... for better or worse..." maybe they (whomever "they" may be) should consider changing this to "for better and worse" because, I guarantee you, you will see both.

I'm not being pessimistic, it's not in my nature. Personally I fancy myself as more of a rational/realist who errs on the side of romantic/giddy/nostalgic/sentimental with a strong dash of don't-mess-with-me.

For those thinking this is about my personal life, well of course it is! Nothing is more personal than love and your opinion on the matter. To set the record straight, and I mean in stone, concrete, without wavering, etc., etc. my Ben and I are as solid as they come. We have attained a level of open and honest that only comes through hardship. When I tell you that he is my best friend and we know everything about each other I'm not just throwing out lovey dovey BS, I mean it. I will also tell you that we have not always been this way but had to learn some lessons and grow together the hard way. Take it from me,while learning from others mistakes may be the easier route, learning from your own mistakes, you'll never forget the lesson.

When I think about true examples of real love, one of the couples I think about, and am so incredibly grateful for and blessed by, are my grandfather and late grandmother.

They used to drive down to visit us in their motor home and stay for a few days. We would always go grocery shopping and buy BBQ beef, BBQ chips, buns, bagel chips, cherry pie, lemonade, and potato salad. After our shopping was done we would all sit around the little table in the back of the motor home, say grace, and dig in. My grandpa would cut one piece from the pie and then say "I see my piece" and gesture that we all had to share the small, cut piece and he was going to eat the remainder of the pie. Of course, as little girls, we would fall for it every time.

We would drive back home (I even was allowed behind the wheel a few times!) and everyone but one of us girls would be evacuated so that we could spend time with grandpa. We all knew what this meant: the big bad wolf wanted to steal all of our Cracker Jacks so we had to eat them all before he could get to them! This was done with all of us, one at a time. Our special time with grandpa as he told us stories and we ate our Cracker Jacks.

Grandma always had stories too. We heard all about how she and grandpa used to go out dancing and singing with their friends, she told us Bible stories, and all about our mom and aunts and uncle when they were our age. Our grammar was corrected, our speech perfected, our singing appreciated. Grandma could quote every movie she had ever watched, which was a lot, and she could sing every song she had ever heard. Grandma gave all her attention to you when she spoke with you, and you knew better than to interrupt when she wasn't! She conducted herself with a grace and love that I aspire to attain. She also operated under the don't-mess-with-me standards. I have had the greatest examples in my life. I am so blessed.

All these lovely memories of my grandparents together are intermingled with the memories of them fighting. I mean FIGHTING. Not physical fist fights of course, but verbally there was blood on the ground. Grandpa would try to tell Grandma that she remembered something wrong or said something wrong, "No, Helen, you've got it all wrong..." to which my grandmother would reply, with great robust and authority " I most certainly do NOT!" and it would escalate from there. Lots of yelling, doors slamming... we were removed from the motor home on more than one occasion. Every time, after a few minutes or so, they would come out, all smiles as if nothing had happened.

How is this relevant? How is this not relevant??

Knowing how to love fully goes hand in hand with knowing how to fight and recover. You're two different people, with two different sets of thought patterns, emotions, skills, interests, etc. If you're not having disagreements than that means one of you is conforming to avoid confrontation. Now obviously you don't have to fight the way my grandparents did. Sometimes all you need is a nice sit down over a cup of coffee to express your feelings and get everything out on the table.

I'm the angry passionate one in the relationship. When I'm upset with you, you know it. Ben, on the other hand, is very internal. He can be upset about something for

"days, weeks, months, who knows" 

~ Eeyore 

and nobody would ever know. There have been times when I've had to pry his frustrations out of him. What I have noticed, which is a lovely thing, is that we are rubbing off on one another. While I'm still very open about my feelings, I will give myself some time to calm down and consider why I'm upset and if it's really worth the fight. Ben has started to voice his frustrations more frequently, venting about everything from work to well, that's pretty much it as of late.

It seems today love is just a feeling. Everyone is walking around looking for someone to make them feel "all warm and fuzzy" or "butterflies" or whatever kids are saying now days. Well, everyone is wrong. Love is a decision, a way of life, a mindset. Love is a painful, beautiful, difficult, life altering, way of living. Love is not something that can be confused with fever or indigestion.

To listen to my grandparents argue one might have made the assumption that they didn't really love each other. What a horrible misconception that would have been.

My grandparents were married for 69 years when my beautiful grandmother passed. Never have I witnessed my grandfather so quiet and meek. He wrote a beautiful letter that the pastor read aloud at my grandmothers funeral, a letter full of love and memories. He wrote about her kindness, her faithfulness, her generosity...

"Her smile is adding to the glory of Heaven now" 

I'm not one to cry, but I teared up there.

He also wrote of his new theme song, which is beautiful and so perfectly fitting:

Where the blue of the night
Meets the gold of the day
Someone waits for me

And the gold of her hair
Crowns the blue of her eyes
Like a halo, tenderly

If only I could see her
Oh how happy I would be

Where the blue of the night
Meets the gold of the day
Someone waits for me
~Where the Blue of the Night

So, don't let Disney movies fool you (though Frozen was pretty accurate, from my standpoint and relationship with my sisters anyways). Love is not a fairy tale. Love is more than shivers up your spine and wet sloppy kisses. Sometimes love is a pain in your rear, a tear down your face, a smile from across the room that melts your heart. 

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 

 *Notice it says "not easily angered" not "never angered"  

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” 

~Friedrich Nietzsche

“You don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not.” 

~Jodi Picoult

"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up."

~James A. Baldwin

photo taken from dailypicksandflicks.com

I Will See You Again

This morning I chose my 'I love you' mug.

When I was somewhere around the age of 7 years old, my mom bought this mug for me while we were out grocery shopping. I was sitting in the cart, you know, up by the handles, and I dropped it before we even made it out the door. I was crushed, she could tell. Without making a fuss that I had wasted money, caused a scene, and made a mess, my mom simply turned around and bought the mug for me again. "I'll hold onto it this time" she said. I have very few memories from that age, but my first coffee mug... it's only fitting that I would remember this story.


To say the last eight days have been hectic would be like saying D Day was a cake walk. HOORAH! to all our active duty, reservists, and veterans. Thank you for your service!

*Thank a soldier. You will never regret it, they will never forget it.

All at the same time I have everything and nothing to say.

Within a 72 hour period I went from fearing for my mother, to grieving the loss of my grandmother (my mothers mother).

The grieving process is sweetened by the knowledge that she lives still, in the splendor of His glory, in Heaven. No longer suffering, no longer bound by the confines of this world. My grandmother passed with the peace of knowing that she was going to meet her Heavenly Father, knowing that, some day, we will all be together again.

Maybe I need more coffee (when do I not?), but I am so happy for her. Don't get me wrong, my heart is heavy for my grandfather and those she left behind, all of whom miss her terribly. She passed knowing that her family was happy, healthy, and serving the Lord. She passed confident in her relationship with Christ.

I cannot think of a better way to honor her life than to ask the following question

If your life ended today, would you get to meet my grandmother in Heaven?

Jesus' blood has the power to cover all sin, ALL SIN. When we ask for His forgiveness, and welcome Him into our lives, that blood covers our sin, giving us the key to the gates of Heaven.

"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

~ 1 John 1:8-9

Lord knows I'm not a perfect person, but I have been forgiven by my loving Heavenly Father and have been shrouded with the Blood of Jesus. My life has a purpose and peace that is beyond my understanding. 

"Jesus answered, I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

~ John 14:6

"God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, Jesus Christ, that whomever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life"

~ John 1:16

 Jesus said, “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly” 

~ John 10:10

If you need Jesus in your life, if you're ready to be forgiven, if you're ready for peace beyond understanding, if you're ready for the craziest ride of your life, follow this link and click the blue tabs at the top of the page. 

http://peacewithgod.jesus.net/?


I love you grandma. We shall see you again!

Let Go - One Mans Trash Should Probably Just Be Thrown Away

No, this post is not dedicated to the ever popular Frozen movie, nor it's theme song. Honestly, I've not even seen the movie or heard the song yet, though I expect this to be fixed soon. 

Today I was blessed to spend several hours with my beautiful sister-in-law and cutie pie nephew on a bargain hunting adventure. 

Every year one of our local communities, Apple Valley, holds their garage sales. There are literally sales on every corner, full of all sorts of things from antiques to, well, TRASH.

The saying goes, "One mans trash is another mans treasure" Well, I'm here to tell you, that one man should probably just throw his junk away and stop trying to shove it on everyone else. 

There's another saying that comes to mind that, I feel, is relevant "ain't nobody got time for that"

I cannot tell you how many people were trying to sell things that should have just been placed in a dumpster (several years ago, at that). I'm talking about worn out shoes, broken coffee mugs, stained clothing... Give these things away, sure - if someone wants to take them. But trying to sell them... not even I am interested in your chipped black coffee mug for $0.50 or your worn to the soul shoes for $2

Every year AV holds these sales and every year you see people put out the same things as the year before. This begs the question, WHY? Their basements and garages must be full of items they no longer want but aren't willing to admit that no one else sees any value in. These items could be donated to homeless shelters, or simply thrown away, but instead they are held onto - kept alive to fight another garage sale. 'Maybe next year we will get our $0.15 for that broken picture frame.'

*I will say, we found some sick deals today. I spent less than $40 on three DVD's, a like new walker, two toys, two dressy outfits (pants, button down shirts, vests), a sweatshirt with his daddy's number on it, and a nice top for Barrett along with a sweet leather jacket and Adidas running jacket for myself. My sister bought a motorized Hummer for my nephew for $20, among the many other deals she found today.  Ahhh... shopping high. Nothing like bargain hunt success! - Oh, and hunting in a pack is that much more satisfying :) 

Anyways, back to my point. 

We are all holding onto things that we should be letting go of. Whether it's time to pass them along to the next person who can use them or time to throw them away completely. The fact is, it's time to let go. 

No, I'm not just talking about that pair of shoes you haven't worn for the last five years or those pair of jeans you've convinced yourself you'll fit into again. Not the power tool given to you for Christmas that you have every intention of basing a project around. Not that god awful necklace that matches nothing...yet. Though you may want to consider having a garage sale yourself if any of this rings a bell. 

...Did I mention we will be having a massive garage sale ourselves in the next few weeks?...

I'm talking about attitudes, mindsets, experiences. 

We all have experiences we've learned from, advice that has seen us through many a hard time, treasured memories and lessons learned, that we want to pass along to others so that they too may benefit from them. These are sale table worthy things, the type of things that people are searching for, that are desired, collected, placed on a shelf with a light hanging over them to accent their importance... you get the idea. 

We also have junk -  hurt, painful experiences/words, that we carry and, sometimes, try to unload onto other people. These things need to be placed where they truly belong - in the dumpster. 

Spring cleaning dons an entirely new and, let's face it, more satisfying meaning when we apply it to more than just our home. It's time to clean out our personal lives, polishing what we value enough to hold on to, releasing what my benefit others, and throwing away all that hinders us from moving freely in our lives.

Spite vs Might

This mornings coffee is held in my teal birthday mug.

A few years ago Ben presented me with this lovely mug on my birthday. I loved it so much that I even took it with me to church on Sunday mornings in place of a travel mug. 

Ben made this mornings cup of coffee so I'm honestly not sure what I'm consuming, other than caffeine. After such a fun, busy, weekend caffeine is all that matters. 

After my sophomore year of college I became the Wellness Educator for the Kent State University, Student Recreation and Wellness Center (SRWC). Along with my WE duties, I also took on some reception work. While I do not enjoy sitting around, I do love the organization and relationships built in an office environment. 

*Funny bunny trail: My supervisors name was Ben Cope (great guy, always stole my venison trail bologna when I brought it for lunch, haha). My second week in the office, one of the girls came in and asked how my weekend had gone "Oh, it was very nice" I said, "Ben and I went for sushi and then walked around town for a bit" She looked at me with shock/disgust in her eyes as she said "You know he's married right?? With CHILDREN??" I burst out laughing (which she didn't appreciate) and said "No, no, MY Ben, my husband's name is Ben! Not Ben Cope!!" We both had a good laugh over the mix up. Later on that day, Ben Cope popped his head into my office and, with a huge smirk on his face, said,  "Amanda! I hear we had a sushi date over the weekend!"

Forgiveness. No matter who you are, at some point in your life, you will be on both the giving and receiving end of forgiveness. 

I'll never forget the night I backed into Ben's car. He loved that car (still does, he's still driving it!!). It was a Wednesday night and the cell group that Phil (Ben's brother from another mother) and I co-hosted had ended. As I backed out to leave I gently bumped Ben's car. I mean, so softly that I almost didn't realize it had happened at all. Ben noticed though (he was headed to his car when it happened) and, while both vehicles were fine, I knocked his front license plate loose. "Didn't you look?" he said "of course I looked!" I answered, getting defensive. "Well, I'll just reattach it later" he said "it's not that bad" - "I'm sorry" I told him, feeling like an idiot and searching his face for indication as to how in trouble I was. "It's OK babe" he replied, pulling me in for a hug, "no big deal." That was the end of it, no bringing it up later to make fun of me in front of our friends. He never mentioned it when he got pulled over for not having his front plate attached. I was forgiven, end of story. 

Peter asks Jesus in Matthew 18:21 how many times we are to forgive those who have sinned against us. In Matthew 18:22 Jesus answered, 

"I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times"

One day, as I sat at the reception desk, one of our personal trainers came in and started a conversation based around forgiveness. "So let me ask you" he said, "what if someone killed your husband? Would you be able to forgive them?" I sat for a moment, not wanting to miss an opportunity to shine Christ's love and contemplating Matthew 18:22 when I was given some clarity. "I'm sure it would take time" I replied "and even then, one time would not be enough" he sat on what was referred to as "Amanda's Counseling Couch" and asked "what do you mean, one time would not be enough?" I answered "I might be able to walk in forgiveness towards that person for an hour, a day, a year... but at some point I will relive the hurt and anger that he caused in my life, and I will have to choose to forgive him all over again. Forgiveness isn't a one and done deal. We have to walk it out, we have to live it." He seemed satisfied with my response, got up from the couch, and left the office for a few hours. 

Thank God for the Holy Spirit alive in me to give the right answers! 

"Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude." -Martin Luther King Jr. 

Becoming spiteful is such an easy thing to do, even encouraged in some cases. There is power in forgiveness, not just for the one forgiven but, just as much, if not more so, for the one who is forgiving. 

"Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, 'cause hate in your heart will consume you too."-Will Smith  

Choose to forgive, as many times as you have to.

"When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future"- Bernard Meltzer