Drill weekend is never convenient. I was not feeling myself yesterday and knowing that Ben had to leave for the weekend wasn't helping. When he decided to leave early this morning, in place of last night, I was elated. Yes, even with the 4:00am wake up. I would love to sit here and tell you that I am fully prepared and confident for when "the call" comes and we're pushed into deployment mode, but in all reality, I don't think there is ever a way to be fully prepared.
For those reading who may not understand the contract, a reservist is active reserve for 6 years, during which they must take at least one deployment, and inactive reserve for 2 years of an 8 year contract.
Ben and I celebrated 7 years of marriage on July 13th, we have been a couple for almost 13 years, and have known each other for over 20 years. The idea of an entire year without him home, especially now that we are parents, is a difficult thing to wrap my head and emotions around. The 7 months he was gone for basic training and A-School were hard, and that was back when it was just me and the furry babies.
Back in high school we started discussing our post graduation options. When Ben said he would like to be a Navy Seal someday I knew right away how great he would be (he still would). I also knew that I did not want that type of relationship. I expressed that he would have my full support, I would write, I would pray, I would always be a listening ear, but I would not be in a relationship with a Seal. I wanted a home, a family, a husband who was around and that I was allowed to know where he was when he wasn't home. Their lifestyle simply does not align with having a successful family life (for most, not all), and there is nothing wrong with that, as long as you're aware of what you're getting yourself into. He decided not to join, and I always felt like I had done both him and our military a great disservice.
I went through a time where I was jealous of his desire to join the military.
Why isn't our life enough? Why can't he be happy and fulfilled without joining? Aren't I good enough, exciting enough? Why does he want to be away from me? Don't I make him happy?...
I was struggling with my own insecurities and feelings of being insufficient, and could not see that his love and relationship with me had nothing to do with his desire to join.
Being in our military is part of what God has called Ben to do. Once I got over myself enough to realize that, that his desire to join had nothing to do with me or his happiness with me, that God Himself had placed those desires in his heart. I was humbled. I was corrected. I was mortified at the thought that I was holding him back from achieving his full potential as a man of God.
I went through a time where I was jealous of his desire to join the military.
Why isn't our life enough? Why can't he be happy and fulfilled without joining? Aren't I good enough, exciting enough? Why does he want to be away from me? Don't I make him happy?...
I was struggling with my own insecurities and feelings of being insufficient, and could not see that his love and relationship with me had nothing to do with his desire to join.
Being in our military is part of what God has called Ben to do. Once I got over myself enough to realize that, that his desire to join had nothing to do with me or his happiness with me, that God Himself had placed those desires in his heart. I was humbled. I was corrected. I was mortified at the thought that I was holding him back from achieving his full potential as a man of God.
I cannot stress enough the importance of supporting, edifying, praying for, and pushing (by positive reinforcement) your spouse. Don't take it personally when they have desires you don't understand, instead pray about how you should respond. The idea for Ben to join the Navy after college was not his, it was mine. He had given up, "I'm too old", "they probably wouldn't take me", he said. "You're never allowed to be old" I would say (Ben is a little younger than me, so if he's old, I'm old and that is just not ok with me), "they will love you. You're exactly what they're looking for".
We started doing our homework, researching the different rates (jobs) within the Navy and where he felt he would best fit in. We contacted a local recruiter and the process began. Let me encourage you, if you or someone you know is considering joining. DO. YOUR. HOMEWORK. Talk to others who are already serving, don't just take the rate they offer you. Know your options, know your rights.
Ben needed to join to be complete, a fact I wasn't ignorant of and am, finally, not intimidated by. I'm by no means taking credit for his success. He has gone above and beyond, as he always does, and there are no words to express my pride, love, and admiration for the man he is continuously becoming.
We started doing our homework, researching the different rates (jobs) within the Navy and where he felt he would best fit in. We contacted a local recruiter and the process began. Let me encourage you, if you or someone you know is considering joining. DO. YOUR. HOMEWORK. Talk to others who are already serving, don't just take the rate they offer you. Know your options, know your rights.
Ben needed to join to be complete, a fact I wasn't ignorant of and am, finally, not intimidated by. I'm by no means taking credit for his success. He has gone above and beyond, as he always does, and there are no words to express my pride, love, and admiration for the man he is continuously becoming.
*This does not mean that I am always thrilled with how our government functions or appreciate the continual change of schedule.
How can you encourage your spouse? Whatever their life's desire is (as long as it's healthy for them, their relationship with God, and with you/family), SUPPORT! Pray for them, encourage them, pray together. Don't let your fears, insecurities, vulnerability get in between your spouse and what God has called them to do. Let me encourage you in this, their calling will complement your own. I have always been very patriotic and even considered joining the military myself several times ( I even had a pretty incredible offer! ), I am incredibly sensitive towards our troops and will befriend and defend them all if I can. Now I realize that this patriotism is not just part of my character, it is part of my calling. I support our great nation, I support our troops, past and present, and I support my husband.
"Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing."
~ 1 Thessalonians 5:11
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